Remember when I said I was going to reflect weekly? Well, the weekly part hasn’t worked exactly, BUT the spirit of the project (continuous improvement to my schedule for work and play) has been consistent and beneficial.
Here’s the biggest thing I’ve learned:
I must make room for my humanity.
This may sound weird and woo to you, which is fair– you can reword it however you like. The point is, about two weeks ago, I was getting into daily self-soothing spirals of unproductive and un-fun messing around. First, it was reddit and facebook. Literally, I would read one until I ran out of content, then switch to the other. Then, I downloaded “Two Dots.” Ya’ll, this is important. Do not download Two Dots. After I deleted Two Dots, I went back to reddit and facebook.
This happens for me when I am stressed out or overwhelmed by something that I should be doing, or if I’m not taking care of myself. Not only was my work suffering, but my relationships were, too. I was grouchy because I felt guilty, and I felt more guilty for being grouchy.
So, I downloaded an extension for Chrome called “Block Site” and instructed it to redirect requests for “facebook.com” or “reddit.com” to list I created in Workflowy of things to do that I would enjoy and would make me feel refreshed. These things were a plausible and attractive alternative to social media loops, and have an ending point– something to accomplish.
There are big things on this list– like “hike mount woodson (for real this time),” but they are mostly small things. I could walk to a nearby grocery store for a fruit popsicle and go read with in in a nearby park. I could paint my nails, or watch a TED talk, draw or color. I could read in the bath or on the pier. Or I could write in this blog.
I feel so much better when I’m done with one of these things, and by the time I’m back, I’m usually ready to get back to work. If I’m feeling up for it, my “work” reading is on the same Kindle as the Neal Stephenson novel I’m into right now, so I can adjust my level of work based on my level of energy.
I was trained (as I’m sure many of you were) by school to “NO EXCUSES WORK RIGHT NOW ALL THE TIME.” That doesn’t mean I didn’t procrastinate, it just meant I felt a constant hum of guilt and worry. This ethic does not allow for being kind to yourself, discourages you from trying something you might fail at, and it doesn’t prioritize reading your mind and body’s signals that are telling me how much work I can make myself do. When I was ignoring these signals and buying into the guilt-driven work ethic, I would feel bad for so much as getting out of my chair. Therefore, when I felt tired or unsure, I would stay put. And I would open a new tab. Of course, all I had to do was type “f” and my browser knew what to do (-acebook.com) from there!
So far, this has made a big difference in my work and state of mind. Notably, I haven’t been on reddit at all in 2 weeks. I am nicer to be around, and more likely to be available when my friends invite me somewhere. Also, there’s a fancy grown-up coloring book on its way from amazon today : D